Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in patrickpoopjimi's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Sunday, March 25th, 2007
9:35 pm	It appears that I have found my calling... musically speaking that is. With technology and competition high between guitarists and music in general, I've always tried to learn new techniques for playing faster with different chords, rhythms and the like, but I would never enjoy myself. It's like when your playing hockey for years, then all the sudden everyone starts to play something else. You either learn the new game or you stick with what your good at. So I'm gunna stick with the blues, and forms of rock music similar to the style. If people like something then there's always a way to keep it fresh. I will apply my knowledge to such a philosophy. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 26th, 2007
7:06 pm	One thing about humans is the fact we don't like to recognize our weaknesses, most of us at least. Those who know their weaknesses usually achieve what they want since they know what they can't do. I had a stinging realization today that I have little to no self-confidence, which I now see makes me always stray away from people. So now I dove into books. At least I have my thoughts I guess, and the stories of people that never were. Well, it appears, all I really have is my thoughts. It's all I ever had the courage to be able to keep up with. I don't even have the confidence to disagree with or join my friends I've known for so long. I just sit, thinking over the possible ways to extend conversation, or think over what I should've said. In the end nothing happens at all, and my fruitful conversation to have was part of a topic that had already changed. And still in the physical world I didn't say or do anything. I guess shit happens - because I had nothing better to end with. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 23rd, 2007
1:45 am	I'd like to think we're all one big happy family. Only in principle it appears to me. All the while the spoken word is exchanged with frustration on two sides. If there wasn't weed involved in this situation - how it numbed all animosity, I'd say these two would rarely see each other. After seeing this unfold, in my complete state of sobriety, it looks like all of this illegal indulgence is some huge game we've all managed to play right into. To numb ourselves so we can all just get along. Cliche as it sounds - I'm tired of playing. I like my thought, I feel it is something I am proud of because many people lack to concept of thought. With this game, all of the thought dwindles down to a primitive state of working dead end jobs for money, then purchasing drugs, and consuming them in that respective state. The thought process sees that although their current employment is degrading, they are able to purchase another gram with every passing hour they work. I'm stuck at a crossroad between this game and what I'd really love to do with my life. So I will conclude with a famous quote: "The meek shall inherit the Earth" while those who strive to do something progressive die young. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 12th, 2007
10:05 pm	Useless, boring, random, slightly informative to those who take it that way. Facts, Thoughts unwanted, unknown. Today my brother turned 21 and just left with a bottle of rum. I'm sure he'll be a regular at a local drinking hole soon enough. We are Irish, so I guess it's what the people want and expect out of us. No hard feelings as most people can't comprehend much else anyways. Italians eat spaghetti, Polish people are stupid, The French are all gay, Black people love poultry, and Asian women have side-ways vaginas. A fellow Irishmen told me the one about the Asian Women. He also mentioned the alcoholic beverages he consumed before the intercourse, so his crooked vision made the vagina in question crooked. And now we have a cycle. So recently, I haven't done much of anything. No fun over the weekend. No fun in the coming days. I've been stone sober long enough that I am more edgy and irritable. So Within my cycle my choice of music both in composure and enjoyment has gotten angry. I enjoy it. My choice of literature would be that of demonology. It appears that there are many demons of Hell that have abilities to grant men what they choose to find. And you mark a seal so they may bring you those fortunes. All in All pretty interesting. I'd also like to know what people are supposed to rise against when getting involved with a popular religion (I.E. Christianity). It's Yin and Yang. Seven Deadly Sins and Seven Divine Virtues. A cycle again. My new quest is not of getting new friends or ridding boredom but to break the cycle I have been thrown into. Some new faces and something to do wouldn't hurt in the mean time. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 5th, 2007
11:51 pm	I'm losing touch with my friends. There's no question. I can't relate to how great it is to be high on something all the time anymore. Today a select few just couldn't explain how great their acid trip was last night with words. The shit is like a fucking plague. All the usual shit they were talking about, melting stuff, staring at this, staring at that, and the whole time I was uninterested. I didn't care about it. They way they were talking - I just felt terrible, like I had something to do with their state of being. I was one of the first to actually think of trying hallucinogens, mainly to bring out my personality and think all of it through in great detail - which I did and was successful in making me more aware of human emotion and they way people act. But my friends took it as another way to enjoy themselves. Understandable to me since we weren't doing anything else. Now they've turned into these acid consuming things. They want me to rob my family to buy acid since I don't work. They convince each other to skip school so they can trip all night. It's horrible. I truly feel bad. I've never regretted much in my life, but I regret ever bringing up acid. There's nothing I can do except leave my mess for them to clean up. It burns in my head. The heat and foul taste of failure is incredibly demoralizing. And all I can do whatsoever is walk away. I keep asking what went wrong, when was the exact moment it went too far for me to realize? Why did I lead this life? I would've had more opportunity, more friends, more things to be part of and to do. The possible loves I would've been with have I not wanted that shit. The world is so much bigger than I've ever known and I now want to go play in it. There's so much more worth living for. Melancholy. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
10:37 pm	It's been a while and honestly, I believe there has been a slight change in the way I think. Me going to the Academy was the best thing for my education because now I am receiving my advanced regents diploma. The small classes usually only 6-8 a class is a good environment and less distracting. I also can walk across "The Stage" with the NW kids and go to the prom if I really want to. With the new school change I have lost contact with basically everyone I don't hang out with on a regular basis. It's okay since very few ever thought I was anything more than a derogatory word, which is understandable because I haven't had anything very nice to say either. Truthfully speaking, I'm scared to talk to everyone again because I think they all think I'm crazy, dumb, or a combination of the two. My life is going down the wrong path. Not so much less traveled as it is a dead end. My friends are doing LSD, and I haven't had a problem because the use was so infrequent that the long term bad stuff never had to be worried about. Since regents week many of my friends have taken it almost every day and I have not. I can see the changes in their personalities and I'm starting to realize that I need new or more friends because I fear for my health and my mind. I also feel that it's time to grow up and start to go more in depth about what to do with my life. It's cliche for a drug user to finally realize the nothingness out of it and to go clean. I feel like I must do it though. However, I've known these kids for over a decade now. I don't want to leave my friends behind. What would you do? (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
3:22 am	Hmm so it's been a while since I've decided to post in this. So it's another perfect time for REFLECTION. A little more than a week ago I was suspended for sexual harassment. I told Mr. Shiesley, that piece of shit, the only balls I should play with in gym class are my own. So I got suspended for five days and had a Super Intendent's meeting, and five days added on after the meeting. This is where a a fat guy with a lisp brings you into a room and basically makes you tell him what you said while it's recorded on tape. Please take the time to imagine leaing over and answering into the recorder and not the guy. Yes, very obsurd, nonetheless that's the best policy school could come up without taking money away from their precious sports teams. But I didn't type this out to piss and moan, like I said - reflection. So with all of this extra time on my hands, I've come to understand with what my existance has become: Eat, sleep, shit, with things like playing music, video games, and smoking marijuana/drinking beer between sleeping and shitting. It has kind of numbed my will to progress with life. I can't blame just one of these activities because life to me is not a puzzle anymore. I have all the pieces currently available to me. It's more like segments of string in which if one segment was taken away I'd still have more string left and I could make due with what I'd have in boring life. I believe the fact of the matter is that your life is heading absolutely nowhere when you can accurately speculate what you will be doing next week. Time will bring on change and I can't go thinking like this forever because the whole "String" mumbo jumbo has been going on since the summer and the only change time brought was a new place where everyone could do the same old shit. Only now has it hit me like a large bag of heavy vegetables. I can clearly say that it is because the amount of weed smoked has decreased since the crazy summer. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 13th, 2006
1:59 pm	I enjoy melting my brain. I enjoy watching the unreal. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 9th, 2006
2:02 am	The crowd I would've said to call my own isn't exactly as how it turns out to be. Not to say I was ever apart of it because I was a wallflower during gathering events usually awaiting the inebriation to follow. But as a wallflower I gained knowledge of things I shouldn't be aware of so it turned out to be not so bad in the end. However, after an invitation and then an un-invitation the next day I had no choice but to turn down another path to friends I've known my whole life. I believe that things that are closer to home are better than things you have to travel for sometimes, like in this case. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 30th, 2006
6:47 pm	In a land where cheap thrills involve cheap pills, sometimes vision gets cloudy. Seems like everyday is all the same in a kind of way of a joke everyone has heard before - everyone knows the dry punchline and have to make an effort to make some kind of sound similar to a laugh. little bouts of rain here and there with little bouts of severe boredom everywhere, I may snap and actually do something with all of this time. Maybe I'll write a book. The funny thing is, I don't care about much. If all of my neighbors' houses blew up I believe I would be content and enjoy the views the houses blocked before. All I am now is a tiny face that peaks out of the bedroom window taking sight at the world spinning without me, and in this sort of new reality, life is ever so fake. It seems like the more you know about anything the less happy you are. I take pride in my knowledge but refuse to flaunt it like some prized horse. Nobody expects much from me anyways, so me obtaining knowledge is like a guilty pleasure if no one is there for me to show them what I learned. The only thing I've noticed that people expect from me is what I'm on all the time. Most of the time it's nothing at all except the high you get when you're deliberately fooling someone and they don't get it. It all gets a little old though when you're sitting by a fire at night and out of the corner of your eye you see your childhood friends when they actually aren't there. Could that be taken as some sort of sub conscience thought? I enjoyed it, but then I woke up, and had breakfast, played music and a game just like the day before and like I will be doing tomorrow. I love Summer (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
2:27 pm	As of right now with the cloudy skies and crusted dry eyes, I'd fair well with a cigarette while watching my world implode. The rain always gets me to a point where I'd rather be running away somewhere with someone I don't know to start a new life. But I'd rather move somewhere that rains all the time. People create brilliant works in times of deepest depression and after a deep sigh of actually knowing there's nothing to do. I hate rain so much that I love the way it makes me hate everything. Then take a step into the rain instead of looking at it through a window. Walk where it gets you wet, and get attacked by bugs who love rain as much as you hate it. Then walk in the woods and get a load of where yo would hang out when there was nothing to do. Then jump into the flow that takes you over the edge and you'll never be the same until the rain comes again. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 26th, 2006
12:03 am	It is apparent that sobriety just isn't possible within the confines of our neighborhoods, and failed I have at it. With Sobriety, you find more time to do things you enjoy. Music in my case, and I have spent a good portion of my time practicing and creating. However, I found that there was too much time on my hands. When I would get bored I would ride my bike along my development and noticed how truly conformed all the houses and people are. The angles of the roofs, the distance from the street, every other house the same looking but in different color schemes. The happy neighbors and all of their children in the driveways riding their bikes but not aloud to go into the street. They all know me. They believe I'm the one responsible for all the bad things that happen in my neighborhood, like broken mailboxes or paintballed cars, when in reality I would only do nothing but feel sorry for the people living in this wonderland. "Perfectsville" I call it. My response of this land is naturally trying to escape it - in mind now, and eventually body. When the smoke hits the lungs and the ever increasing urge to cough comes about, the town is more a sad but incredibly funny American dream. And riding home late after a night of illegal indulgences, the houses aren't as bad. So yes, I have learned it is true people use drugs and such to escape their problems for the moment but to say people are stupid for smoking, tripping, and drinking would be hypocritical. Everyone escapes, in many forms. I believe the only way to be clean from anything would be to bow down before Jesus Christ. As devout christians Irish people are, I know I could find Jesus and live happy. But Christians are arrogant, close minded, and point their noses up so they always look down at others. And Jesus has faded into obscurity with the media and free thinkers challenging his image that Jesus has also been made into a form of intoxicant. The real point here though is that I'm smoking again and I will quit when I want to. My niche as an adolesent was to be with those who want to escape the normality of life. In my mind, no one truly cares, otherwise they would do something to show me they care, and I have no problem if no one shows anything. So let the LSD flow in me, and marijuana smoke choke me until I decide to change for myself. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 18th, 2006
11:43 pm	Sometimes when mind escapes body, some complex and deeply entangled situation becomes stuck in a demension that can't be made into explaination. Or simply put, too timid to admit anything very personal. Sometimes there are those days when it's just not right, you're being played into a trick with no end, people see you different. And with the wind, it blows away as fast as it came but you'll still remember the strange weather. Even a memory could be the straw that breaks the camels back. Some people snap and they are never the same again. And though this is so vague so that you have no idea what I'm getting at, I still feel better getting the straws off my back. Something so complex that even the chemicals secreted within our bodies need to be similar for the attraction of another, but still the conscience has to be able to adapt and also must make sacrifices that the soul is believed to be ready to make. When you look deeply into an eye and then you lose yourself in a daze of these chemicals and feelings you haven't felt before. Later, you learn that you only made the owner of the eye feel uncomfortable and now you feel embarrassed. Then the friendship before the secretion is now destroyed. What was wished was that the two were meant to be and one of them had to take the initiative for that moment, which has yet to happen. (Comment on this)
12:45 am	Tonight was the perfect night to test my new discipline, and it worked. I sat around everyone getting drunk and stoned. I was tempted to smoke because I wasn't liking the beer I tasted but I kept through it. Maybe one if anyone wants to waste a night, stay sober and see how you view your friends getting fucked up with out you. It's weird. I couldn't help but think how stupid everyone was. But now you can't go assuming everyone is stupid when they are enjoying themselves. Stupidity isn't drunkeness. Sometimes it's stupid to get drunk, but it's not stupid to enjoy things. Even in the realm of being sober which hasn't set in, some peopleseem to get a high that they don'thave to get high anymore. I think differently from that. Life will suck awhole lot more and at the same time I'll have more opportunities to try a new activity or go somewhere or practice more music. The one thing I always hated about getting stoned was that I was missing out on life itself and was always reminding myself that it would take me no where. Even on a psychedelic trip I would have a more intense and scary realization that this shit would have to end sometime. My subconscience probably made the note to stop earlier or whatever. I'll stop ranting about soberness now. See you kids around. (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 17th, 2006
3:32 pm	This will hurt a lot of people and tickle others. Due to recent events, more like last night at a certain friends house my future was put into question by one of the kids I hang out with. Putting music into a future is hard and I know it will be but nobody can assume you're going to fail even before you actually start. So he said something in the likes of 'You're not going to go anywhere as a guitar player'. This made me incredibly furious, I wasn't about to say anything back because I didn't want to escalate anything. This hit me hard. I thought about it when I was riding home when I woke up about 10 minutes ago and even during my sleep. Now I'm determined to do something with my life, to prove to my stoner loser neighbors that I can get somewhere. It all starts with me and my surroundings though. What I have to do is eliminate all the things that can set me back, which sadly is marijuana and other things of that sort. I've noticed that when other kids get bored they go do something. Me and my friends get bored, we smoke a joint so sitting in the same boring room isn't as bad because we are stoned. I'm through with it. It's been enough. I had fun, but it's time to move on. I'm done getting stoned. Remember that one. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
8:06 pm	I still have the account so I might as well use it. These things are a good way to get insight into people as long as they don't put bullshit in here like how shitty their lives are, but in all the phases of growing up I guess it's reality to sometimes think that your life is about to end or something. Anyways, school is over for the summer minus exams. I hope to see as many friends as I can and that special someone who lives on that really long road. This summer is time for change. I must practice my ass off on the instrument and try to get healthy by lifting weights and running around whenever I get the chance. Indulgence goes without saying but the more I get totally inebriated the more I think it should stop because I don't get much out of it other than stress relief. Even the marijuana and psychedelics everyone remembers me by is getting a little old. I have to give it to 2C-I though because I have this new found love of walking in wide open spaces and places I've never been. I should have known this, curiosity is so common to humans. With my future blurry and some small family problems, alls I need is some good friends and a hug once in a while. Please feel free to bombard everyone with love and caring this summer and don't kill yourselves, and maybe we'll all get through it, get married only once, and have a nice happy family in the suburbs. How great would that be? Married once? Not for most in the 21st century but I'll make it happen. Goodbye (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
3:29 pm	I fancy it odd that people can converse about stupid things and enjoy themselves so much. Maybe I just can't relate to that lately. Somehow, I see through all the laughter that the one jokester or all of them are very shallow and wouldn't admit that either. I am shallow too. I dip my toes into the puddles of imaginations when some talk about nothing, and I judge quick, then start into a depression because I don't like being a contradiction. Ironically when I dive deep into someone and I can see in their eyes that they may be upset or moved by something I get empathetic and start into sadness again. Each time I'm outgoing and loving towards my peers, it seems as though it's quite fake of the reactions I would get. If it was any other day, I'd be so tight that you couldn't get much more than a simple yes or no out of me. Then I become internal because I expose a more real side and become embarrassed for it seems that no one wants to know too much about me other than what I'm on that makes me outgoing. What if I told you I wasn't on anything and I was still cheery? Would you believe me? I can easily play off that I'm on drugs in school so people won't bother me and I can gather some thoughts. But really where is this balance between myself and my surroundings? I can't ever seem to get that right. I know that it doesn't help that I don't like to talk to people all too much, but when I do, I say something random or edgy that upsets people. I can't help but wonder. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 6th, 2006
3:26 pm	you know what pissed me off today? People asking me if I was pissed off, as if they could relate anyway. You all would just think I'm burnt out from a long night of illegal activities over the weekend, and because we live in the suburbs you're all naive/ignorant enough to think so. If you think I don't look happy when you see me just assume I'm fine so you don't waste your time because I can guarantee you can't help. (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
3:00 am	Today is my birthday. I went to a little get together and enjoyed the usual illegal pastimes that would go along with anything in B-Town. I have to work too. But my point tonight is that by looking at certain situations based on the ideals of capitalism and communism, I'm sure you'll learn something about yourself or nothing at all. For instance- if you and some friends go in on some pizza and you each pay the same amount for the whole thing and you eat the exact same amount of slices then, technically, that could be considered, to me based on a new found theory, that would be a sort of subliminal communist agreement. Now, you decide you want a bigger slice, so you invest more money into the pool thinking you'll get equal the sum in pizza form, however you gambled away your money and end up eating less slices than you paid for, meaning that those who paid less ate as much as you, who paid more. But in capitalism sometimes when you invest in something you don't always get the desired result (STOCK MARKET) ...and Social Darwinism would explain that you were economically weak for deciding to throw down more money when the other guys eating know they would be eating the same amount but pay less. So are you unhappy enough to be called a Commie? Or is your neck so red that your way is considered making the best from other people? (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
10:41 pm	Krissies party was fantastic and I was barely there. So we arrive and I'm a little drunk then we smoke some weed then I buy some 2C-I. Way cool trip that time around. I saw a skull on the side of a garage with an X on it. Then we listened to chopped and screwed rap and nodded our heads for 3 hours. Then we smoked more weed. Me and Noble slept over Marty's, after Mike left We ate breakfast and I went home. Then I came back and we smoked two fat blunts. Next SAturday is my birthday, and I hope to drink some sizzurp that weekend. (Comment on this)